soliloquy

Where did waiting go? Why do we argue about how much we love, it's lovely but so is love enough. Id rather not fight about the sun... or how his eyes glaze over at the sight of you bent over. I want to love you. LET ME. and ya know... maybe you'll love loving me back. Maybe.

Me time is we time and us time is everybody's. He's in your bed, that's swell. This couch is pretty soft and maybe so am I. Rest will save your life, it's not my place to deny. But deny him, not me. Don't say this is the last time unless you're turning around this instant with no regard for return. We need an intermission or I swear we'll be the death of us. lost. love. I despise being away. I can say with sincerity that you do a grand job at mirroring my midnight emotions, it's the daytime that throws us. I hate so many things;

status.

florida state.

pants.

myself.

and maybe someday; you. That will be the worst. Because loving you is loving me. I dont want to hate myself :(

11:11

I got it. I get it, I see it, I felt it, but now I no longer do. Where credit is due, I give it and the other day I got it back, for once. I felt accomplished. For a moment, I had to pause; reflect on my rejections, contest my conclusions, and for a fleeting second, I imagined I might still feel for her like I used to.

It's lovely getting what you wanted but realizing you don't need it. There is still beauty in this world, and I feed off of it. Needy is breezy before it's to greedy, I see. I'm not too far from where I was, same bedroom, actually/honestly. With ceilings for sins and saints in the cracks of the roof I guess I fucked up, it's all good. There is nothing to frown for, and all the more reason to show off that dazzling grin you have, my dear :)

Two years of tyranny , tragedy and maybe even truancy have brought me to true love, traquility, and now... the tarmac is cleared. Like bridge construction in the blood; it's gone. All of that was for NOTHING because in two years; it's trivial. The dreams will be over tonight, haven't had one since. Even if I never speak to you again, the debt is settled and my mind is completely free to focus on the most amazing girl; the one you led me to with your mutiny. Thank goodness for Lauren & birthdays & cigarettes & texting and all I can say is that for the first time in two years, there's nothing on my shoulder and it feels fine!